A List of totally undisgusting stuff that you should do

There are times when I feel that everyone around me is awesome and pure and times when I feel like taking revenge by pissing them off so much that another moment and they’ll have me stabbed and strangled simultaneously.

It is during the moments of the latter that some really bright ideas come to my mind. Here’s a list. (Some of these can be tried by girls too!)

1. When you go to the loo and see a lot of people, go to the place where you ll have someone on either side of you, pissing. Now pull down your zipper and pretend as if you are having a real problem taking it out. Keep your legs in a grotesque position and make weird faces and noises. Make sure you look up once or twice to the guys on both sides and let out a silly grin. After a couple of minutes take it out with a “Yeaaaaahhhhhh! Finally!”

2. You can continue the above act by doing more stuff while pissing. Look directly above your head, close your eyes. Keep shaking your head like you are running a tune in your mind. When you are done let out a deep breath and say “Aaaaaahh! Feels like heaven”.

3. This can be done when you go to the rest room for washing your hands and someone’s standing at the adjacent basin (restrooms usually have atleast 2 washbasins next to each other). Put water in your mouth. Bend your head forward almost 90 degrees and look to your left/right at the person standing next to you. Now open your mouth and let the water flow out of your mouth. You will wet your cheek in the process and, if properly done, maybe even your neck and chest. Smile at the person after all the water has flown out. Turn back and repeat as many times as necessary.

4. Drink lots of Pepsi/Coke (when it’s real chilled). Come back to your cubicle/seat and try and let out 4-5 small burps. And then one master burp (lasting atleast 3 seconds). It should be loud enough for the people around you to hear. Of course, don’t forget to excuse yourself after burping.

5. When you are at the head of vehicles at a signal junction, switch off your bike/car. Make sure you are blocking as many vehicles behind you as possible – they should be unable to move until you have moved. When the signal turns green, pretend as if your vehicle’s conked out: keep trying frantically to have your vehicle started. And just when its time for the signal to turn back red, start and race off! (ha ha)

More stuff coming soon…